Fantasies of Yore

I really want to share my fantasies of now, but because they are mostly about having sex with people whom for ideological reasons won't have sex with me......(It's clearly ideological--who could resist?)  ...then I'll just share with you some of my old(er) fantasies.
I should mention these are still mostly about having sex.



There I am, back from the peace corps. I look exactly like Ani Difranco except that my height and eyes are still my own. Let it be said that I have her dread locks, nose ring, elf-chin and guitar skills. But for some reason I'm eating Chinese. My chop stick handling is really what it's all about. (SN: I think I started this back at the end of high school, when I ate with almost nothing but a spoon.) I've met up quite by chance with one of those hot guys who can't seem to find the road leading out of his hometown..As yet he doesn't have two ex wives, back problems or a beer gut, buuuuut, he's into me! In fact he's very taken with my chopstick technique, sort of, you know, intimidated in an alluring way.
"Oh this," I muse, "just a little something I picked up in the Orient." OK so, I didn't used to know that was a bad way to say Asia.  Nor could I have imagined that basically every American ever would learn how to use chop sticks eventually.  Whatever.  AHEM. Moving on.

I was always sort of vague on the details from here on out, our conversation probably highlighted my many success in south east Asia or Africa or both and that of course, with the salt of age his boyish charms would have given way to dreadfully witty and amazing in bed.  He'd want to marry me but you know,  its not you, its me. Ok I'm lying. It's your GED.

Here we are, in space. Its the future and I am the  neurolinguist on a mission to colonize Europa.  We wear a lot of Under Armour shirts and mine really bring out the blue in my eyes. They likewise highlight the buldging pectoral muscles of all the adult males... (In the future all adult males will have them.) I basically look like doctor Sattler from Jurasic Park except that I don't have a stupid mid-90's wavy-perm-bangs thing goin on.  I've noticed a name CCed on all my  mission related emails but didn't figure that the "One that got away" was also a top ranking acoustical physicist because I read that periodical, uh, periodically and never see his name.
At the pre-mission meet and greet however I find him next a huge tray of chocolate covered strawberries and we have our little, I think we've met before moment when some one tries to introduce us. It's more awkward then fiery. I respectfully break eye contact and do my best to harness Scully's sense of professional distance (circa season 1, 2 and 3)  Most importantly, his partner can't go with him on the ship. Don't ask me, I don't make the rules! There  just isn't enough space, we'd have to do a fuel dump, we might not make it and she accuses me of setting this whole thing up. I nobly attempt to be removed from the mission and let her go in my stead but naturally my leaving will throw off the launch calculations and no one neurolinguicizes quite like me. I mean, I'm The Chair. (That's academic for "the shit") It takes us a few years, but we are going to colonize a planet, so we eventually get over our guilt and totally make babies.

The last one I want to share with you is set in post apocalyptic America...Lets call it New Vegas or something. Anyway, I'm totally a raider combing the bad lands for fresh water, new drugs and people to rob. I'd be extra good at night watch and I'd finally have the ass I've always deserved. Check out my Pip-Boy...you were looking at my Pip-Boy, right?
Atanyrate, the future is an amazing and bright place. I can't wait to get there. I think I'll go look for it now.
Nite!

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Filler

                Hey there my beautiful batmans,  I just got my hands on a copy of New Vegas so I plan to be very, very busy for awhile. In lieu of a proper post I thought I would share an article I was quoted in... Sorry, I kinda effed up the formatting when I cut and pasted it. Enjoy! 

Harvard study indicates that data entry may be a significant factor in why time travel is not yet possible

Cambridge Massachusetts, home to the top shops in the biotech industry, leading engineering firms and like many large metropolis,  also a bastion for a growing class of highly qualified, seemingly unemployable graduates at every level of education.  Pushed to the edge of desperation, and swearing they  won't spend another wasted summer as a paralegal for their father's former all-state lacrosse buddy, unemployed twenty-somethings are turning to the temporary work sector.  Dr Shelina Riker of the Field Board division at Harvard and her team of tenure-hopefuls took a closer look at the larger factors of market inflation, increased life span and the effect of the global economic downturn in the first world, all of which, she feels,  have had dramatic impact on why time travel is not yet a thing of the past, future and present. 

                         "When  you control for the aggregated unimportance with which this generation views walking to work uphill--both ways in the snow-- we begin to see trends emerging, not only for why they are forced in to the sweatless labor of a M-F 9a to 9p, but also why they haven't used their unquestionably expensive genius to developed a functional vector for semiclassical gravity--let alone ponder the timescales implicit in the foundations of the statistical mechanics inherent to all known occurrences of the Nambu-Goto approximation."  In lay terms this means these nepotistic short stacks really just need a smart board and a sweet loft in Soho to Pinky and the Brain that shit..

As we can see the crux of Dr Riker's compiled data mirrors heavily the infinite monkey theorem wherein given enough time a group of untrained chimps could rewrite Shakespeare. It follows therefore that given enough "me" time to really think things--you know, over, a room full of above-it-all post-grads could, in mathematical terms, almost surely answer the question of what makes time travel possible.

Concerned parent and former foreign codependent Michel Lower has cast serious doubt on the findings, "Sure, I mean everyone has read Shakespeare, but how many chimps can say they've really read Shakespeare, huh? That's something that is almost impossible to do without a single malt whiskey, a poet's soul and a stack of Cliff Notes." 

This was a belief held inlike by renowned scientist Stephen Hawkins when he posed this Socratic gem, "Why don't we see more time traveling tourists?" Sagan had a cutting and ultimately un-autotunable retort that has thusly been lost from all public record and Chomsky for his part presented us with a wall of text as a comment we will neither read nor re-post. 

Nevertheless, while some remain sceptical, other participants in the study were not at all surprised by the findings, "Sure I could do what's-a-thingie with the whatchamacallit face in space," say Gina Daschle from behind both her thumbs and corresponding blackberry,  "... if I wasn't so busy complaining on Facebook about how an algorithm could accomplish my job."  

We spoke briefly with serial temp Erin McCarthy from her current data entry position in Washington DC via Skype. "I mean, what do you expect? My bachelor's degree is from an unaccredited university specializing in gayness. I'm lucky [Politemps] acknowledge my ability to group single digit sums. My mom doesn't." When asked what she would do when her  contract was terminated after the midterm elections she mused,  "I don't know, bum around." She then added more reflectively, "Sometimes I want to boldly go where no one has gone before, but I'll probably just move to a country with socialized medicine. "
Others in the industry, don't feel as lucky. "I just still don't get it, ya know?" the four-year sculling champion and top of his graduating class at Yale, Todd Stridefell remarked between sips of his latte, "Here I am,  MBA with high honors, magna cum laude,  president of my fraternity and I just can't make the time to complete my flash animation on the suitable geometries of space-time, you know? It's just like, where's my MacArthur award?" 
Furthermore, upon hearing that a renown jazz pianist, third generation stone carver and an off- Broadway theater director were three of 2010's recent recipients of the MacArthur fellowship he demanded to know what sorts of idiots these judges were, smugging off to his tennis match mumbling, "A fresh look at, Our Town, really?" 

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As I sit here aging

Good, now on to retirement. I predict that my life shall be a long one and I always sort of figured I would end up habitating alone. Before I met my partner I pictured myself living in southern Vermont and occasionally riding my snowmobile into town to use the library. My hair is long and grey in this fantasy and furthermore, there are still libraries. After the climate craps out on us, southern Vermont may no longer be ideal. Sometimes I suspect I may end up in a Spanish speaking country...

But wherever in the world I am and no matter how close the zombie apocalypse is, I want to have a homestead. I want a few fruit trees, maybe one or two nut producing varieties. A pig (one per year) a few hens--never more than six, lots of berry briars, a small veggie garden (good for freshies and canning) and maybe some rabbits. (Someone else is clearly going to have to kill those for me.) Ok, forget the rabbits. I would only want to eat them once in a great while and everyone knows they breed like, well...rabbits.

Two things have happen at this point in the story, I'm either wildly famous or not. If famous then I am living out here to escape the hub-bub of every day life, if not, I am out here to escape the hub-bub of every day life...But I also work at a food co-op. The food co-op is so cloth bag home grown that I'm glad I didn't grow up here. I think of myself more as a Linda by now and my hair is kind of wavy in its steely greys and whites. I finally need glasses and they go great with the big rain boots I wear into work.  I'm holding out for Vermont cuz I looks so cute in layers. Plus  I prefer apples and peaches to mangoes and limes...but only marginally.

Perhaps I won't have time for the co op if my coffee house is still running. Here is what I knew about it back in may 2007

If I owned a coffee shop it would be near a college I liked, in town that didn't suck. With lots of big windows and full spectrum lights.
I would commission murals to be painted by local artist and black and white photographers would have to book my wall space months in advance.
I would reward people for having their own mugs. There would be no drive-through.
Things would be organic.
And cool young people with tats and green hair would cut your bagel.
I would carry local band's cds and have an open mic night at least once a week (minimum).
The sign would be flipped to "open" at 11Am and flipped again at 12Am.
 the Wifi would be free and near the door would be several 15 min computer terminals.
Over the years we would acquire an old thinning cat that accounts for half the charm of the place and many plants who will have very particular names.
I'd be saving for a solar panel or a wind mill and we'd only do fair trade.
I can't decide if I want checkered tiles or varnished planks on the floor around the raised stage, but I do know I would have a whole wall for book shelves full of pamphlets and all sorts of radical stuff. Chess sets and graffiti safe space bathrooms.
Everything would look slightly half-assed in that rebellious,  pointed manner. We'd be broke. But the array of found couches and curb side squishy chairs would sing up dust when you sake into it circa 19 70 somethin super fly ugly style.
In the basement there would be practice and studio spaces for rent.
And I havn't named it yet, but I trust it will be a pun...I dunno, sumthin perky.
If I owned a coffee shop it would be near a college I liked, in town that didn't suck. With lots of big windows and full spectrum lights.

Were I to include my baby in that dream I would say we could also have a role playing game night--no fourth ed. Sorry. And also a MMO night where folks could come in and play EVE, Starcraft or whatever else them crazy kids would be playin by then. Wouldn't it be fun to name sandwiches? How much would you love coming up with a logo?
...man, I can't wait to be old. My kids will like me (again) by then! I might even have a car.  I plan to be a forrunner in AI rights, but only to curry favor.  Atanyrate, you know I'm just being silly. I'll never ever be a Linda and I promise to make my kids hate me forever. But mostly, I fuckin hate snow and robots will have no use for me as I am not a technsion. Its cool though, I feel like a bike ride anyway.

Later, Gator.

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Video Blog 4

Featured in the Post:
   Aging geekfully     Neil's Youtube        Billy Apathy      I dream loudly


Consistency Sucks      Is it too early for a martini?     American Dropout 

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It gets better, but is it getting better?

Yes, that is my cup of tea.

I have been diluting myself into thinking that it is easier to be a gay teen in our country. I have insulated my world and surrounded myself with r radical fairies, fags, dikes, sex pots, bi-serious queers, lezzies and trans folk. People at my work place and in my friends and family circles have come out to me personally and I personally came out out to my mom. It went something like this, "I'm a gay boy on the inside, mom. Didn't you know?" This was the middle of college, I think.

My story is a lot less dramatic then it could be. I knew I was gay because everybody told me I was. In fact the entire bus once chanted "Erin's gay" on repeat when I was coming home from school in kindergarten. I cried the whole time and remember thinking that I wanted to be dead.  What really hurt me most was the fact that my bus driver, with whom I had a loving and friendly rapport, did not defend me. Despite the volume of their group hating,  she didn't think it was her responsibility to rise to my aid. She failed me just as we are falling our children today.
Now, I'm not gay. But I am queer and this is only one story out of many I could share about my experiences growing up in the wrong body. In truth, not being able to be in the cub scouts and the various other minor indignities I suffered are all at once nothing when compared with having your arm broken for wanting to be on the cheer-leading squad, or your town being so disgusted with you wanting to take your girlfriend to the prom that they hold a separate one in secret. REMEMBER: These are just the stories we hear about. Consider also, that there have been a brash of young suicides lately that have nearly cut my insides out. I carry the pain, not only for the children who felt death was the only escape, but also for their survivors who will surely blame themselves.  

I've always thought adults took themselves too seriously when they said words like bullying or still worse "cyber bullying" but lets face it, young people can be wicked mean. We need more allies like Will Phillips, a young man who refuses to say the pledge of allegiance until all people in our country do have liberty and justice. Examples like that make tears of pride come to my eyes. (It's like watching MILK, all over again) And I want to believe that minds will change, that people will stop being so scared. NF: Having a gay roommate at college does not mean that your roommate is going to hit on you. You're just not that hot. Sorry.

I have many angry words I could share for those who use hate speech, and those who don't defend against it. It is not about being politically correct and it never has been. Its about respecting each person's individual nature and their right to enjoy a life free of other people's insecurities being thrust back at them. That is why I am telling you that I am gender queer...I mean, like if you didn't figure it out on your own...because as I read today in my facebook feed, 

"Being visible saves people. If I can be open and proud of who I am, that is an invitation for anyone and everyone to be proud of who they are. These kids don't have to believe that they are alone. They're not. None of us are. " OP:

 I may change the body that I have someday, right now, I'm just building a different box--so someone down the line will have a chance to think outside of it.

If you are queer and would like to share your story with me, privately or publicly, I welcome the opportunity. Thank you to all the allies out there, please feel free to share also. Thank you to the secure ones who understand equality. Thank you to the folks who are actively trying to chose another phrase over  "that's gay." or other derogatory speech. This is an important step to changing your views on these issues. Your sensitivity could literally save lives.  From our hearts and minds must the change we wish to see in this world come. And as ever, cum as you are.  Happy weekend, everybody..I need to go snuggle my partner to sleep.
Be well.

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