Left Untitled (to be poetic)

Hey, team.

Unsure if you knew or not, but even when you obsessively Google my name for hours on end, some shitty romance writer still comes up for the first ten pages. She's prolific, I'll give her that, but  I've written a book myself--far more grandiloquent in nature. So verbose in fact, that it has been touted as the great Chicago fire of our times--a metaphor you doubtlessly fail to grasp. That is to say, it was very well received in the more esoteric, avant-garde circles.
I selflessly concluded that in lieu of the brain crushing verisimilitude it would require for you to read and then feebly  challenge the immaculacy that is my holy litany, I would graciously and without complaint,  compile various press clippings concerning my Book, (with a capital B.) Also, that's my chest that they used for the cover art there. I further chose her title, and did my own wax job. You're welcome.

 Stunning praise for my Book. (with a capital B) by the original Erin McCarthy

“One of the years ten…….best books. Complete.”

-People

“A fictional thriller……reading.”

-New York Times

“A totally convincing….page turner. Thumbs….at least.”

-Kirkus Reviews

“We are not interested in projects of this length. Please submit again.”

-The Antioch Review

“….good….”
       
-The Los Angeles Times

“……..This text will….
….go…down….forever.”

-USA Today

“It’s really quite cute.”

-Erin’s Mom

“Utterly…….not too bad.”
  
-Washington Post Book World 



‘Clearly likable...and for sale...”

-Time Out London

“BlackMoose42: It's not too funny. I think you can do better”
   
-Internet Boyfriend

“This piece....matches new …..with….nice”           
-News Day

“I laughed. I cried. I would have said whatever it took to get my name and “opinion” published.”

-Marginally Relevant, and Needing a Check

“All your base are belong to us.”
   
-Noam Chomsky

“Page not found”
   
-Google.

“We realize we are the only legitimate publication that would even consider reviewing this book.”
    -The Onion

“Please stop spaming us, we’ll contact you.”
   
-Entertainment Weekly

‘The President does not have time to answer all of his email’s directly.”
      -President@WhiteHouse.gov

“No movie would ever be……this……good.”
   
-Time Magazine

“Evocative….brimming with truthieness…almost as good as if I had written it myself.”
     
-Steven Colbert

“A thorn in the side of…..the modern tale.”
     
-The Boston Globe

 “Liberating. Thought provoking. Honest and hard hitting. I’d wager my career on it!”
            -Anonymous

“From page one…..[an] infectious…endeavor.”
        
-Chicago Sun-Times


“This article has not  yet been written.”
             
-Wikipedia.com/

“More….better than….non-fiction”
   
-News Week

“A disgrace to the modern epic”
  
-High Times

Obviously, those coke heads down at High Times don't know snuff from snow. Nevertheless, I included their "review" to remind myself why I keep writing, why I stay humble, and why I don't subscribe to High Times.

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