Funemployment. How to do it right.

Chaska, Minnesota

                December 30, 2010 • (952) 448-2650

IMPORTANT Read this article carefully or have someone read it to you. Remember, you must read and understand this handbook. A Spanish version of this handbook is available upon request.
¡IMPORTANTE! Lea este manual con cuidado o consiga alguien quien se lo lea o interprete. Recuerde, usted debe leer y entender este manual. Una versión en español de este manual está disponible.
Merci.

Is this the new usual?

Congratulations, you're funemployed.
Unemployment isn’t fun, but you can make the best of it. Instead of moping, this is a good time to add to your skills, to catch up on things, and to explore what it means to be your own person. It can be a time to heal and to grow. Here are some positive things I have found to do when unemployed:

* Seek employment. [Your crappy small town] Workforce Center is a vital resource that will help you search effectively. It is a place to go to use a computer and talk to supportive people. They may also be able to help you find a course to upgrade your skills.

* Exercise. Part of the 50 hours a week you are not spending on a job can be spent getting enough exercise. A minimal routine is to walk at least two miles a day at least five days a week.

But all of that is stupid, you could tell at one glance and didn't bother to read it, that maybe because you're Funemployed! 

Def Do: 

• Catch up on your hobbies. Really, how effin long is that "scarf" going to remain half done in the back of your closet? Granted, it's too late to hoist off as a christmas gift but you probably know a Capricorn. And what of that model airplane you got three years ago? Why doesn't it have a wicked awesome flame decal, hanging majestically from you ceiling yet? 
• Party. I mean, not every day. But damn, you don't have any work to do. You should be joyous! Have a few drinks before you go out. Never pay a cover and metro home. You really don't need to spend more than 6 bucks to have a memorable night now and then. (Foggy nights cost exponentially extra) 
• Sexersize. Seriously, you're not overly tired, you're not too stressed out and YOU DONT HAVE A HEADACHE (!!) 
• Share. Look, son--I'm not saying give away your last 5 spot, but people dig others who share. Think of it as social credit. I accept all forms of sexersize as social credit and I am happy to pay in kind. 
• Stay up late. Creativity come to us in it's most honest when we explore our solitude. Plus, sleeping-in is half the fun. Truly, if these were in "an order" this would be number one, Maslow. 
• Visit. Go see someone you know in a far away place, (at least a different area code). Time your visit so that they are happy to have you and can afford to take you out to dinner and junk. Half the adventure will be in the travel to and fro[do]. C'mon, Bo may know baseball, but you should be ashamed to be less of a Took then any Baggins over or under hill. 

Def DON'T:

• Gripe. I mean really, this too shall pass. Do you really have to bring everyone down around you? 
• Penny Pinch.  Alright, so this is no time to be popin bottles at the club comma gettin slizzard. But I think we can agree that a 7 dollar lunch now and then with a friend isn't out of the question. If you didn't come here to have fun, go home and wait for the lights and gas to be turned off around you. 
• Start using phrases like 'wind-riffled.' Seriously, Funemployed does not equal poetic. Let funempolyment be your poetry. If you are busy sucking the marrow you don't have to say so, in fact someone already has.
• Go viral. I'm lying. Do just that. Do something that will get you paid on the internet that you were already going to do anyway, you silly ass. Get the Gregory brothers to give you more than half and run the damn talk show circuit. 
• Get it twisted. No one took your job: you lost it or you quit, either way move on. Please don't wallow, it makes you stale. (See also, Gripe) 

Work cited:

ALABAMA UNEMPLOYMENT AND WORKERS’ COMPENSATION MANUAL A GUIDE TO SIMPLIFYING ALABAMA’S EMPLOYMENT RELATED LAWS (2009)
http://www.ado.alabama.gov/content/media/publications/SmallBusiness/WCUCpublication728091.pdf

UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE  Claimant Handbook
A Claimant’s Guide to the Requirements of the Idaho Employment Security Law
http://labor.idaho.gov/publications/ui_handbook.pdf

The Urban Dictionary, RE: Funempolyment.

A final note to all our satisfied customers, someday you'll have to work again. I know. I'm sad too. But it's really all about the balancing act we all must participate in to survive. But remember I'm not only the funempolyment president, I'm also a client. (That's what my mom used to call the crazy people she took care of/worked for.) Make of that what you will, I guarentee  it won't be money.

May the end of your year be as post modern as possible. (Read as debaucheous) It is too a word. This here is my talko.

You have read this article funemplyment / google / penny pinch / sexersize / the gregory brothers / the post modern talko / unemployment / urban dictionary / viral / YUP with the title Funemployment. How to do it right.. You can bookmark this page URL http://trendcelebrity2014.blogspot.com/2010/12/funemployment-how-to-do-it-right.html. Thanks!